Category Archives: Pasta

How To Look Skinny on Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day, and what’s the most important thing on Valentine’s Day? Say it with me: Being thin! That’s right, very good. So last night I made Spaghetti LimoneParmeggiano, which is a fancy way to say noodles with lemon juice! GREAT! It’s basically like eating NOTHING, so now today I’m starving and miserable and VERY thin, which everyone knows is better than being happy.

(I should also point out the elephant in the room: We’ve passed the 9-month deadline I set for myself. WHOOPS. Looks like I failed. If that bothers you, you’re free to find another blog where they’re cooking all of Gwyneth Paltrow’s recipes for no reason. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU. Missed deadline aside, I won’t stop cooking, because I will not be satisfied until I’ve completed all these recipes or we’re all dead. Whichever comes first, although I think the latter might actually be preferable. My move to New York has obviously derailed things, but I’ll keep trucking along, for the two of you who are still reading and aren’t my parents. Anyway, let’s DO THIS.) Continue reading

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Filed under Holidays, Pasta

DUCK PARTY 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know what happened to me the night before — some drink combination, or a particularly handsome man looking at me in a certain way — but I woke up last Sunday with nerves of steel. I could do anything, I suddenly realized. Why hadn’t I ever seen it before? Buoyed by this superlative confidence, I sent out a text to a few choice friends: “In search of duck bacon today. If I succeed, we will have dinner. Wish me luck.” And I ventured out into Brooklyn.

It’s laughable how easy it was. I should have known. It shouldn’t have surprised me that duck bacon in Brooklyn is literally sold on the sidewalk. But, there it was, in the heart of the paltriest, most pitiable farmer’s market I’ve ever seen. Six tents, crammed on the length of one sidewalk, offering very little in produce (no duh, it’s January in New York, but STILL. Very depressing). I walked up and down the block twice, looking for the duck salesman the internet had said might be there, before I finally saw why I hadn’t seen him the first two times: he was just some dude, youngish with a hipster beard, sitting atop a cooler, behind a hand-painted sign that simply said, “DUCKS.” Continue reading

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Filed under Pasta, Salads

AruguLAME Pasta

If you guys are thinking about buying this cookbook for someone this Christmas: Don’t. It’s not exciting. Maybe it’ll elicit a laugh upon the initial unwrapping, but beyond that, there’s nothing much of value to be gained from it. Case in point is Tomato & Arugula Pasta. Let’s delve into this and explore why no self-respecting cookbook (that you expect people to PAY ACTUAL MONEY for) should include this recipe. Continue reading

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The Danny/Gwyneth Project: New York Edition

So here we are in New York City. I’ll spare you the details, but it’s been quite the week, what with driving two 16-hour days to get to Wisconsin, sadly leaving my dog behind with my parents (who, I should gratuitously mention, are absolute saints), and arriving in New York on Sunday morning. Since then, I’ve been touring apartments around the city like a lunatic, trying desperately to secure a place to live before I start work next Monday (and expect a forthcoming blog post on how Gwyneth is actually helping me find a place). In the meantime, my friends Nora and Mandy are graciously allowing me to impede on their space and sleep on their couch in Chelsea. To make up for this, I cooked not one, not two, but THREE Gwyneth recipes for dinner recently. Let’s see how my first NYC cooking experience went! Continue reading

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Filed under Pasta, Salads, Sides

Celebrating New York with Mediocrity

Last night there was a lot to celebrate: my friend Lisa is in town from Wisconsin, and oh also by the way I’m moving to New York in like two weeks to go work in an ad agency (and possibly also to gay marry Zachary Quinto, but that’s still only at about a 50/50 probability). So, everything is very exciting! Also? TERRIFYING. I have so much to do in the next couple weeks (including, much to my chagrin, this project, the bane of my existence). My head may just burst into flames at any moment. Fun! I’ll be sure to document all my meltdowns on Twitter. Anyway, I made three recipes last night, because I need to get this train a-rollin’ and also because I am a masochist.

I picked three recipes that seemed like they would go well together, based on absolutely nothing: Bruschetta, Artichoke & Pine Nut Pesto, and Sole a la Grenoblaise. And it all turned out pretty mediocre! Sorry, Lisa, it’s the nature of the beast. Continue reading

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Filed under Main Courses, Pasta, Sides

A Boring Meal, After Which I Begin to Panic

This one is so simple. Insanely simple. But we had to make it at some time, so why not today? Cacio e Pepe, an old Italian classic. Gwyneth doesn’t put a new spin on it at all, so I’m not sure what it’s really doing in her cookbook, taking up a full page. And now it’s taking up a full blog post. So we’re both cheating! Neat! Continue reading

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Filed under Pasta

Turkey BolognEASY

As I mentioned last week, most of the serious recipes left (as opposed to the salads, for example, that are often no more than two ingredients) require at least 4 or 5 hours’ cooking time, which means there are going to have to be more Gwyneth Paltrow Sundays in my future. In that spirit, I knocked another one out this past Sunday, making Turkey Bolognese from 2 PM until nearly 8:00.

Continue reading

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Filed under Pasta