Category Archives: Non-Gwyneth


Guys, I figured I should check in, even though no cooking has been done recently (it’s been all mac and cheese and leftovers and take-out for me all week), what with the impending move.

So here’s a brief update: I leave Portland on Monday. I haven’t packed anything yet. Not a single thing! Whoops. I also don’t have an apartment in New York yet. Uhhhhhh. So things are going well, clearly? Yikes.

I’m trying to keep this blog focused on the project, so I’ll be documenting anything amusing/stressful/whatever about my move (or anything else I feel like writing — maybe a five-act play?) over here:

So bookmark/follow/RSS/anything else over thataways, if you want to be a SUPERFAN. Or, at the very least, if you just want to know what I’m up to if this place goes silent during my drive next week (which it WILL). And if THAT place goes silent, then you know I’ve driven my U-Haul off a cliff.

I do have some leftover vegetable stock in my freezer that I may try to do something with tomorrow after work (my last day!), so maybe we’ll get some good cooking out of me still before I go. Fingers crossed I don’t end up curled up in a cardboard box, sobbing quietly to myself instead.

On that note, if anyone wants to pack up all my stuff and move it all across the country into a nice, clean apartment in NY for me, that would just be fantastic. Thanks in advance!



Filed under Non-Gwyneth

Quickly, Before I Go

Ugh, yes, I must leave you again. In two hours, I’ll be headed off to New York (do people still call it the Big Apple? I’ll be sure to say that a lot out there), and I won’t return until Saturday evening. If it’s any consolation, I’m not as jovial about taking this much time off for the project as I have been in the past, now that I’m becoming sliiiightly panicked about how much I still have to left to cook in the next four months.

So the bad news: I’m gone for this week. The good news: Maybe funny stories from New York! And losing another week is only going to make the coming weeks more chaotic. Oh, god, I really don’t even want to think about what’s waiting for me when I return.

To hold you over, here is something I wrote about the strangest thing I saw this weekend. And, to find out what I think about New York in REAL TIME, follow me on Twitter! There, how’s that for self-promotion?

Okay, bye. I miss you already.

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Filed under Non-Gwyneth

Why I Love Portland

shakshukaOnce again, this has nothing to do with Gwyneth. (If you want a laugh at her expense, though, check out this brutal blog post, sent to me by my sister.) I’ve been super busy this week, so there’s been no time to cook or even grocery shop. As a result, I haven’t been too healthy since I returned from Orcas Island. But today’s post DOES have to do with food, so let’s give me another pass on the Gwyneth stuff today. Instead, let’s talk about what makes Portland so fucking great.

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Filed under Non-Gwyneth

Another Vacation?

Believe it or not, the time has come for another delay from the Danny/Gwyneth Project. But! It’s not as bad as my Italy trip, I promise. You see, several plane- and train-loads of family members are about to descend upon Portland for a whirlwind 10-day tour of the Pacific Northwest. We’ll be all over the place on the weekends, but will be, for the most part, concentrated together in a rented house up in the San Juan Islands next week.

And, you see, this is where the Project comes in: My sadomasochistic family members have requested I make something of Gwyneth’s for them, so I won’t really be taking all this time off as a vacation. There WILL be cooking. (On the plus side, I think I can force my parents to pay for the ingredients. Lobster grilling it is!) I haven’t totally decided what to make for them yet, and it will probably depend on what sort of cooking equipment we’re faced with when we arrive at the rental house. I also haven’t decided how horrible I want to be to them. Do I try to impress them with a delicious-sounding meal, or do I force them to dine on one of Gwyneth’s more intimidatingly strange meals? I suppose we’ll find out.

So, enjoy the weekend, and expect to hear from me at some point next week, hopefully with stories of family mayhem and cooking gone wrong.

(On a related note, anyone in Portland want to watch my dog? For some reason, all the kennels are either booked or require absurdly extensive “evaluation” time with the dog before they’re allowed to stay overnight. I have no idea what these “evaluation” sessions are like, but my dog is sure to fail most of their tests. So, uh… no idea what I’m going to do with him. Sell him, maybe?)


Filed under Holidays, Non-Gwyneth

The Beauty and Danger of Omar Khayyam

Since tonight is my night to cook, I will be subjecting my roommates to Gwyneth’s Grilled Tuna Rolls, whether they like it or not. We’ll see how it goes! I’m cautiously optimistic. But seeing as I won’t have anything to report until tomorrow, this means today you are forced to endure my random, completely tangential musings. My friends are surely going to shout, “Off-topic, off-topic!” at me, but I make the Blog Rules around here. And today, I’m thinking we should talk wine.

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Filed under Non-Gwyneth

Survey Results! (Sort Of.)

First of all, let’s get this out of the way: I am extremely tired. I may be dying. You see, I went to the midnight premiere of the final Harry Potter movie last night, and it was so great! Like, the movie itself was pretty good, but also it’s just fun to go to midnight premieres. Especially when they’re full of 15-year-old nerds. I also learned quite a few things about my friend Brendan, who, it turns out, is a total badass. Continue reading


Filed under GOOP, Non-Gwyneth

A Long, Self-Indulgent Dispatch From a Vacation, Part Four: Florence

And then we come to the end. The final part of our Italian trip, and the last of my excuses to prolong my return to the Danny/Gwyneth Project. (Actually, I have already returned: Last night was fish tacos, and holy shit was it an interesting meal. We had some special guests, but you’ll have to wait to hear about it.) It was fun while it lasted, though, right? But we flew too close to the sun, and now we must fall back to Earth. Or something. This portion of the trip, I assumed, would surely be less insane than the previous three — surely falling in a Venetian canal would have to signal the end of the insanity, right? Of course, that’s never the case in Italy, as Florence had a few surprises up its sleeves. Continue reading


Filed under Italy, Non-Gwyneth