All my cooking plans have been thrown out the window in lieu of camping this weekend (if you never hear from me again, I’ve been eaten by a bear), but I have some even worse news for you: Gwyneth is preparing a second cookbook (thanks a lot for alerting me to this disaster, Marie). NOOOOOOOOOOO. I can’t keep doing this crap forever! It will destroy me. I’m feeling very despondent today, people.
The first rule of Gwyneth Paltrow News is that it always comes in threes, which means it’s time for the newest issue of GOOP! Hooray! And even better, it’s a travel blog from Gwyneth’s trip to Venice! How great! Let’s see what she was up to. Fingers crossed she fell in a canal, too. Continue reading
And then we come to the end. The final part of our Italian trip, and the last of my excuses to prolong my return to the Danny/Gwyneth Project. (Actually, I have already returned: Last night was fish tacos, and holy shit was it an interesting meal. We had some special guests, but you’ll have to wait to hear about it.) It was fun while it lasted, though, right? But we flew too close to the sun, and now we must fall back to Earth. Or something. This portion of the trip, I assumed, would surely be less insane than the previous three — surely falling in a Venetian canal would have to signal the end of the insanity, right? Of course, that’s never the case in Italy, as Florence had a few surprises up its sleeves. Continue reading
So, we’re back after the weekend. Did everyone have a great Fourth of July? (Sorry, non-American readers. And by that, I mean I’m sorry you don’t love FREEDOM as much as us.) My weekend was fantastic! Just a really, really solid weekend. And, fear not, I am finally settled into my new place — and more importantly, my new kitchen — so Gwyneth recipes will continue shortly. Good news for you, terrible news for me. (On a related note, here is a sampling of the types of things I had to pack up and move from my old kitchen to my new: Vegenaise, three different kinds of flour, a big bottle of fish sauce, frozen duck fat. What has my life become?) Anyway, let’s talk about Italy some more! Continue reading
(With thanks to Nikki for finally posting her pictures.)
A two-part photo series showing illicit activity in Pompeii:
That is all.
And here we’ve arrived at Part II! In this portion of the trip, we visited the most locations in the shortest amount of time, and yet it felt the most leisurely. INTERESTING VACATION FACT FOR YOU, HUH? This portion also contains my favorite place in Italy: Pompeii! Here’s another interesting fact for you: Did you know ancient Pompeii was filled with perverts? IT’S TRUE! Just wait until you see how much these people loved dicks. Continue reading
So, this has nothing to do with Gwyneth Paltrow. Sorry. But maybe we need a bit of a break? A break from Gwyneth Paltrow is something the internet DEFINITELY needs. So, I apologize for derailing the blog for, like, ever. We’ll get back to the cooking soon! (Don’t worry, we’re well ahead of schedule on the recipes, anyway.) But for now, do you want to hear a lengthy, self-indulgent story about a wonderful trip someone you probably have never met took to Italy? Of course you do! So, let’s go to Rome.
First things first, I should explain some background: I went to Italy with my two sisters, Nikki and Sara, our Aunt Dana, and our grandma. There were a couple reasons for the trip. Our grandpa died a year ago almost exactly, my grandma was doing a writing seminar/adult summer camp/strange thing in Tuscany this summer, and also we just all wanted to go to Italy. So, we did. Lesson learned: any excuse you can make up for yourself to go to Italy, take it. Continue reading
Let’s give this a shot.
I write to you from my phone, connecting through the hotel’s spotty wifi. If you’re reading this, a miracle has occurred.
Currently I am lounging on our hotel terrace in Positano, sunburned and resting after a day spent exploring the island of Capri. I’ve got a glass of wine, and I’m basically as content as a human can be.
To help you set the scene, I have attached a photo of the view from our hotel room (maybe? I have no idea how any of this is going to work). It is designed to be cruel and make you jealous, SORRY. I never pretended to be a good person.
Anyway, how are you doing? Well, I hope. Good to see you haven’t broken the blog while I’ve been away. Do not fear, a MASSIVE post-Italy recap is planned. Too much insane stuff has already happened. (Teaser: A man, looking not unlike Ron Jeremy, may have propositioned me at a bar on the first night. The line, “I’ll get a hotel room and give you the night of your life,” was spoken.)
But for now, I have to go to dinner, and then to what promises to be the cheesiest club in Europe. I hope you are well, even if I have no idea who you are.