Category Archives: Breakfast

The Great British Rip-Off

fuck these muffinsHere I am, here I am. The usual excuses for my absence. Let’s talk about some bullshit muffins.

Banana Walnut Muffins sounded simple and tasty. A classic combination! It’s also one of the few recipes in My Father’s Daughter that doesn’t come with an overwrought introduction that explains how the recipe came from Blythe Danner’s best friend’s uncle who owned a banana farm in Majorca or whatever. We just jump right into preheating the oven. A small mercy when it comes to this book. But before we can preheat the oven, we must get the ingredients. Which is where it all falls apart. Continue reading


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Brisket & Breakfast


The writing slowed, but the cooking didn’t.I’m five recipes behind, and in the process of a sixth and seventh. (I say “in the process” because I intended to make some muffins on Sunday but have now spent 4 straight days attempting to track down the last two ingredients for said muffins. Stay tuned for this nightmare.) So, let’s catch up.

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Filed under Breakfast, Main Courses

Overnight Pancakes?

1I5A3790.JPGFor most humans on this planet, pancakes are a simple, last-ditch recipe, perfect when you have nothing else in your pantry and you (or, more likely, your kids) wake up hungry NOW. The time-tested recipe beloved by half-assing fathers everywhere, pancakes are as easy a breakfast food as you can get. Throw some mix in a bowl with a little oil, eggs, and milk, whisk it together, fry it in the skillet while you skim the newspaper, slather with syrup, eat. If you’re feeling silly, maybe make one look like Mickey Mouse. If you want to feel like you’re rich or at a resort, put some fuckin’ blueberries or strawberries on top of them. That’s about it.

But one of the most time-honored tenets of a Gwyneth Paltrow recipe is: the easiest recipes can always be made difficult, often for no reason at all. “Tomorrow morning I think I’ll make Gwyneth’s dad’s pancakes,” I decided while I was cooking Perfect Roasted Chinese Duck. Thankfully, I took a look at the recipe beforehand, where I noticed one important statement: “Total preparation time: 20 minutes plus overnight resting.” Overnight resting?! Of course Gwyneth’s pancakes take 16 hours to cook. Why am I even surprised, so many years into this project. So, while I cooked the duck, I also whisked together some pancake batter. This is what cool kids do on the weekend.

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Easter Brunch!!!!!

Obviously, the main point of Easter is brunch. Right? That’s what the big deal about Easter is? And what better way to celebrate the day Jesus drove all the rabbits out of Scotland than to cook some Gwyneth Paltrow brunch recipes!

I invited somewhere between four and fifteen friends to my place for Easter morning for a totally Gwyneth brunch, so I knew there could be no fucking this up. THE EYES OF THE WORLD WERE UPON ME. The brunch was scheduled at 1 (we tend to be a lazy group), but I had to get started at 8 am. What else would you expect from Gwyneth? As a result, I excused myself relatively early on Saturday night and set my alarm. Yes, this brunch was serious business. Continue reading


Filed under Breakfast, Holidays

Oh Heyyyyyy, Guys

Guys! Remember when I used to run a blog? Haha, just kidding, no one remembers that. That was way back in 2011! And now it’s 2012, which means it’s time for some HONESTY: My move to New York has tried its hardest to derail this project. This city is a very demanding mistress. (Did you know there’s stuff going on here ALL THE TIME? And that it’s VERY HARD TO SAY NO TO ANY OF IT? I’m pretty sure my dog starved to death 10 days ago, can someone go to my house and check on him, please? I’ll just be at this comedy show tonight.) But, fear not, I will keep at this nightmare of a project until either I’m dead, or all of us are. Anyway, I made some stuff!

One recent weekend, I woke up and decided that pancakes were NECESSARY. Thankfully, Gwyneth provides me with two pancake recipes! One of them, however, requires you to make the batter the night before (naturally), so instead I went with the very literally named Morning Pancakes. Unfortunately, my camera battery wasn’t charged, so I don’t have any pictures. You know what pancakes look like, though, right? That’s what these looked like. I don’t think any of us are missing out on anything here. Continue reading


Filed under Breakfast, Burgers & Sandwiches

Breakfast in Chelsea

You guys, I’m two recipes behind on blogging, so it’s time to CATCH UP. Plus it’s Thanksgiving week, and I’ve got a lot of recipes planned to knock out, so let’s hurry up! But first, an update: I started my job last week, and yesterday I moved into an apartment! And they’re both great! And this weekend, after spending Thanksgiving in Wisconsin, Bark Antony and I will be driving back to New York. Country dog moving to the big city! Yikes.

Anyway: Challah French Toast. Still needing to make up for my guilt at taking over Nora’s living room, I told her to pick out a breakfast recipe from the book. She chose challah French toast, of which I wholeheartedly approved. If you saw the picture Gwyneth put next to the recipe, you’d be salivating, too. And I knew the quality of the challah was of the utmost important in this recipe, so we set off to the Chelsea Market in search of high-quality challah. Continue reading


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Tarra-gone? (Ugh, Sorry.)

This will be quick and easy and boring, but it’s my first Gwyneth Paltrow breakfast recipe, which is kind of exciting, no? Actually, not that exciting. This stuff was kind of bland. But let’s get it over with: Artichoke & Parmesan Frittata! Continue reading


Filed under Breakfast