It’s Valentine’s Day, and what’s the most important thing on Valentine’s Day? Say it with me: Being thin! That’s right, very good. So last night I made Spaghetti LimoneParmeggiano, which is a fancy way to say noodles with lemon juice! GREAT! It’s basically like eating NOTHING, so now today I’m starving and miserable and VERY thin, which everyone knows is better than being happy.
(I should also point out the elephant in the room: We’ve passed the 9-month deadline I set for myself. WHOOPS. Looks like I failed. If that bothers you, you’re free to find another blog where they’re cooking all of Gwyneth Paltrow’s recipes for no reason. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU. Missed deadline aside, I won’t stop cooking, because I will not be satisfied until I’ve completed all these recipes or we’re all dead. Whichever comes first, although I think the latter might actually be preferable. My move to New York has obviously derailed things, but I’ll keep trucking along, for the two of you who are still reading and aren’t my parents. Anyway, let’s DO THIS.)
This lemon spaghetti is so stupidly easy. Boil water. Cook pasta. (I didn’t have any spaghetti, but I have somehow acquired many, many boxes of other kinds of pasta, so I just used one of those boxes instead. I think I used fusilli? I don’t know. Something goofy-looking. To trick myself into thinking I was enjoying this.) Meanwhile, zest a lemon, slice it in half, and squeeze the lemon juice into the same bowl as the lemon zest. Then grate a shitload of Parmesan cheese. Add some salt, pepper, and olive oil, until you have a “wet paste,” which is a disgusting way to talk about something you’re going to eat.
This is what it looks like when you put lemon juice and basil in pasta.
Throw in a couple tablespoons of pasta water, and add the cooked noodles to your bowl. Mix the stuff until each noodle is coated with the cheesy, lemony mixture, and roughly tear in some fresh basil leaves. Eat with some sort of a salad and wine, and go to bed starving and half-drunk off of only one glass of wine. If this is what it takes to look like Gwyneth Paltrow, it sounds like an absolute fucking nightmare.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
At the Grammys, Gwyneth Paltrow was so starving she thought Adele was a leg of lamb in a dress.