The new GOOP is here, everyone! And we got SCREWED, because instead of giving us delightful tips on fashion or the finest London fishmongers or whatever, Gwyneth is instead asking US to do something for HER. BOOOOOOOO. It’s the first-ever GOOP reader survey! And, of course, it’s slightly pretentious. For example, the question, “What do you visit GOOP for?” (terrible English, by the way) requires two answers. Because everyone visits GOOP for not only one, but TWO reasons! And “I do it ironically,” isn’t even on the list! So 95% of GOOP’s readership has been forced to lie. (I should also note that in the “favorite website” section, I listed my own website three times. Hi, Gwyneth!)
And, you know what? If today is survey day in the Paltrow household, it’s survey day for me, too. So fill out my survey! Let’s get to know each other better! Or don’t. You don’t have to tell me about yourself if you don’t want. I don’t care. I’m not really going to USE this information for anything, other than curiosity’s sake. And possibly against you in a court of law.