Oh, boy. What a week. First I finally place an order for duck bacon (only to realize that I didn’t order NEARLY enough, so now I’m going to have to go through all that again in the future) — which should be arriving tomorrow, patient readers. And then the new GOOP comes out and it has THIS headline: “Homosexuality in the Bible.”
Ummmmm. Let’s look into this a little more closely.
Wait, what? Why is Gwyneth writing to me about this? She starts by talking about the gay suicides, and then tells us how Apple (Apple! Maybe we should look into what the Bible says about baby names?) came home from school one day and said a friend has two mommies. “Two mommies?” Gwyneth (reportedly) responded. “How lucky is she?!” Oh, brother. Gwyneth then asks her readers, “What does it actually say in the bible that will cause some people to be upset by my line of thinking?”
Haha. “My line of thinking.” Supporting gay rights is now owned by Gwyneth Paltrow.
She then gives us three opinions from a few religious leaders in support of gay marriage (which I didn’t read, because Bible words put me to sleep) and then, absurdly, gives us the opinion of one Dr. John Stott, who concludes, “Here, then, are three truths which Jesus affirmed: (1) heterosexual gender is a divine creation; (2) heterosexual marriage is a divine institution; and (3) heterosexual fidelity is the divine intention. A homosexual liaison is a breach of all three of these divine purposes.” Thanks, pal. Get out of here. Thankfully, Gwyneth includes a disclaimer before Dr. Stott’s testimony: “*Note: We wanted to include as many perspectives as possible on this issue and so we are also including a more conservative voice here below.”
Okay, what is even going on anymore? First of all, I appreciate the fact that Gwyneth is willing to look at and display both sides of the argument, but I do find the idea of Gwyneth including Dr. Stott’s testimony to be pretty hilarious. I mean, I just love the image of Gwyneth demanding to her ghost writers, “NO. We can’t have only the opinions of people in FAVOR of gay rights. People come to GOOP for fair, unbiased reporting. If we don’t hold ourselves to the highest journalistic standards, gentlemen, then WHO WILL?” Start clearing space on your mantel for your Pulitzer, I’m sure.
Also, who is Gwyneth’s audience for this post? Are there many, like, Neo-Nazis or Westboro Baptist Church members subscribing to GOOP? I highly doubt it. “I love cheese plates and wood-fired pizzas on the terrace, but I hate fags,” is something NO ONE HAS EVER SAID.
I mean, don’t get me wrong: I appreciate Gwyneth using her celebrity to press an important issue, but, is this going to do anything to actually help? Again, proooobably not many bigots subscribing to GOOP, let alone caring about what Gwyneth Paltrow ever says or does. If she wants to do something to REALLY help, maybe she should contribute some of her billions to gay-friendly organizations, like, for example, her local London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard. Or if she wants to go even further, she could stop tearing down her neighbors’ houses to build new wings for her manor, and instead turn one of the buildings into a shelter for runaway or homeless gay youth. Or she could use her celebrity to pressure Congress or the President to be more supportive of gay rights. Or she could, at the very least, not just educate Apple about gay rights (because I’m sure Apple is in no danger of becoming a bigot anytime soon) but could, for example, run workshops in London for elementary school kids, teaching them about tolerance (although, let’s be fair, the Internet would totally jump all over her for doing something like this). All I’m saying is, if she wants to help and really cares about it, maybe she should be more proactive than paying someone to write a paragraph for GOOP and then having someone interview four random religious scholars.
Anyway, sorry for talking politics and religion over the dinner table or whatever, but this was too bizarre for me to ignore. Let’s hope the next GOOP gives us Moses’s thoughts on a two-state solution to the Israel/Palestine conflict.