Tarra-gone? (Ugh, Sorry.)

This will be quick and easy and boring, but it’s my first Gwyneth Paltrow breakfast recipe, which is kind of exciting, no? Actually, not that exciting. This stuff was kind of bland. But let’s get it over with: Artichoke & Parmesan Frittata!

The ingredients were pretty simple and cheap. I mean, it’s a basic frittata. Except for the issue of fresh tarragon leaves. I considered purchasing these, but then thought back to the abnormally huge selection of spices available in our apartment, which is the result of moving in with four other people. We’ve got spices in fancy homemade magnetized jars by Lindsey on the side of our refrigerator, we’ve got spices taking up one whole cabinet next to the microwave, and we have a third set of spices just sitting in a plastic bin on the top of our bookshelf, gathering dust. So I figured we had to have some dried tarragon in the mix, and that would be a suitable replacement for fresh tarragon.

But no, we don’t have tarragon. Nine kinds of chili powder? Yes. Tarragon, no. We also didn’t have any spices even similar to tarragon. So maybe when I say the meal was kind of bland, we should take this with a grain of salt (cooking phrase!!!), because I was missing a major spice. But still, I can’t imagine the simple addition of tarragon magically transforming this dish into a spectacular, mouthwatering masterpiece. Anyway, I’ve already written two entire paragraphs about tarragon and it’s approaching 80 degrees outside and should stay that way for the rest of the weekend, so let’s get this over with.

Preheat the oven. Heat butter and olive oil in a skillet. Saute shallots. Add artichoke hearts and tarragon. Season with salt and pepper. Whisk eggs (NOT free range, because the grocery store was out. A million curses upon my head, I’m sure) and milk (NOT soy- or almond-based, but regular cow’s milk. At this point, Gwyneth is surely rolling over in her castle). Pour egg mixture over the shallots and artichokes, and let cook until just set on the edges, but still runny in the middle. Grate parmesan cheese over the top and stick in the oven for EXACTLY eight minutes, at which point it should be “just set throughout.” (Note: this actually took eleven minutes. I briefly considered eating the uncooked egg slurry at exactly eight minutes, contracting some near-fatal disease, and suing the Paltrow/Martins. But that sounded like a lot of work.)

Eggs and other stuff cooking. Very exciting.

And that’s breakfast! Blah blah blah. Not that amazing. Whatever, another recipe DONE. I’ll never make this boring frittata again. The next recipe, though? It’s practically a revelation. And I’m not being sarcastic! SUSPENSE. Anyway, go outside. It’s beautiful. (Unless it’s not where you are, in which case you should move to Portland.)

For now, I’ll leave you with this triumphant image:

VICTORY.

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5 Comments

Filed under Breakfast

5 responses to “Tarra-gone? (Ugh, Sorry.)

  1. Amy

    Hooray! Vegenaise!! A total game changer, I promise.

    Really enjoying your blog. I look forward to the push notification in Google Reader!

  2. Cortney

    I really don’t have anything specific to say about tarragon or vegenaise (has there ever been a food with a worse name??), just wanted to share how much I adore your blog. 🙂

  3. chick110

    You are the best! I still have no inkling of an urge to make any of these recipes. Now if she makes a wonderful chocolate cake or souffle or some such chocolate treat, then I may cave. Until then, I get to continue sneering at Gwynnie.

  4. Jo

    I love your blog 🙂 Do you like the new Coldplay song? They seem to have cheered up a bit :L

  5. Steve

    dude. If you didn’t live 3200 miles away, I could totally help you out with this stuff. I have a tarragon bush the size of Gwyneth’s ego. Not to mention I know exactly where I can get duck bacon at any time. And vegenaise is at arm’s length at all times. We were meant for each other.

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