Cooking with Blythe Danner

Guys, first of all, I want to thank everyone who’s been visiting and commenting and telling other people about this stupid thing that I’m doing. I kind of just thought my mom would read half of the first post I wrote and then give up, and that would be it, so I’m a little overwhelmed by how many people are reading this stuff. Are you guys okay? Are you all trapped in a mine with nothing but a laptop to entertain you? I’m worried about all of you. I guess the downside is that now I actually have to finish this thing. Damnit.

Anyway, Lalo’s Famous Cookies! This recipe comes to us from actress Blythe Danner, who is, of course, Gwyneth’s mother. Apparently Gwyneth’s kids call her “Lalo,” because, “who wants to be called Grandma anyway?” Um, millions of people, I’m pretty sure? I know my grandma loves being called Grandma. What are you even talking about, Gwyneth? “Only commoners enjoy being called Grandma.” Apparently Blythe Danner is famous “far and wide” for these cookies, as opposed to, I don’t know, Meet the Parents. Nope, definitely the cookies that got her famous.

Gwyneth reassures me that these are “incredibly healthy,” but considering I dumped a cup of oil and a whole bottle of maple syrup into the batter, I’m skeptical. I guess compared to most other cookies, yes, but to actually suggest giving them to your kids for breakfast? I expected better advice from you, Gwyneth.

The cookies are incredibly easy to make, however. I just crushed some almonds in a food processor, and mixed them with barley flour, a little salt and cinnamon, and the canola oil and maple syrup (which Gwyneth insisted MUST be the ultra-expensive “real Vermont” stuff, virtually doubling the budget for these cookies).

Really, it’s hard to not just eat THIS.

After mixing it all up, you’re left with a sticky mess that smells amazing. Then I simply made little balls on a baking sheet, and indented them with my index finger. I then used a spoon to fill the indents with three different jams: I used raspberry, blueberry, and apricot. What resulted was, I must say, pretty beautiful.

Pure artistry.

Then it was just a quick 20 minutes in the oven, and the cookies came out beautifully. And, wow. Another knockout for Gwyneth. How is this possible? (Granted, my friend Adam didn’t like them at all. But he was outvoted.) They were sweet and nutty, and the warm jam in the middle was an awesome touch. We had some disagreement over which jam was the best, although I preferred apricot.

So, once again, Gwyneth delivers a hit. What is even happening? This is not what I expected at all. Of course, I should note that I’m purposely starting with the easier/cheaper recipes. But pretty soon I’m going to have nowhere left to hide, and I’ll be making expensive Lobster Rolls, and cursing the entire Paltrow clan. But for now, Gwyneth and I couldn’t be getting along better.

I also made banana bread, but that has nothing to do with Gwyneth.

Advertisements

20 Comments

Filed under Desserts

20 responses to “Cooking with Blythe Danner

  1. Clair

    I can’t think of anything clever to say… I’m enjoying your blog

  2. Toasty

    You made me laugh out loud twice, Danny. Nice work! Can’t wait until you get to the “duck cassoulet” …

  3. You are delightful.

  4. db

    Gottleib, who are all of these people? Are Clair and Alison moving in soon? If so you better double the recipes. Wait, triple them. I forgot about Toasty.

  5. Beth

    Really enjoying your blog so far. You should put the cost for these recipes, it would be interesting.

  6. katieb

    I cringed when I read that you made the jam impressions with your index finger. I hope that you washed them.

    Also, I totally agree with the person who says that you should include the cost for each recipe. I am not sure if posting the cost of each ingredient would be okay with Gwyneth, but I would settle for a total for each recipe. That way I can tell how it compares to two Jimmy John’s Footlongs for me and my lover.

  7. Sara

    HEY DANNY. WHAT IF YOU POSTED THE RECIPES?!?!?!?!?!??! WOULDN’T THAT BE SO FUNNY AND CLEVER AND INTERESTING?!?!?

    I’m really sorry. Is that Mom’s banana bread recipe? If so, can you email it to me? As per usual.

  8. Danny. Post more pictures of Antony. Also, I live in northern Minnesota (for reference, it’s further north than Montreal, Ottawa, and Toronto) so it’s like living in a cave, but worse.

  9. laffin

    You made me laugh these past few mornings so I decided to include your blog in my feed reader. I don’t want to miss a single episode of your trials and tribulations with Gwyneth.

  10. chick110

    Dear Danny,
    Please just send me the next banana bread you make. Thanks!
    Chick

  11. Love the blog but I also love Gwen (minus the country singing). So reading you slam her is a little bit like eating 95% cocao chocolate. So who do you see playing you in the movie version? I’m thinking Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Brick, 500 Days of Summer, Hesher). If Gwen had a good enough sense of humor she would play herself. It’s been over 10 years since I lived in Seattle, I forgot how crazy the rain can make some people. They should spoof you in Portlandia. Keep up the great work.

  12. Bertrand

    Those raspberry cookies kind of look like what I imagined Gwyneth’s nipples to look like…fucking delicious. I love the blog! Keep up the good work. BTW…is the sandwich at the top of the page a Gwyneth sandwich?

    • grandmom

      “to Grandmother’s house we go” – forget it, this Grandmom (who LIKES being called Grandmom) would rather sing “to Grandson’s house we go”
      Love the photos of the food makings and final phase – wish I could taste what you make. Love you and really look forward to reading your creative Blogg! Give Lalo my best.

      • Lindsey

        Wait, is this comment from your grandma a response to the comparison between Gwyneth’s nipples and Lalo’s famous cookies? Your grandma RULES.

  13. Carrie

    I’m following you on Twitter now!!!!!

  14. Julz

    I love your writing style. I also love your attitude about Gwynneth.

    Just be warned…you’ve been posted on the YouBeMom forums, so you probably have a bunch of cynical, vicious Jackal-moms reading who also hate all-things-Gwynnie. No, don’t look it up and join us in conversation…just save yourself and stay far, far away from the angry bitchfest.

    Don’t get lazy and let us down. We’re watching…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s